This is what Autumn does...

Darkness encroaches, even forcing me to use hated striplights at work. How do we save the "Task" video, with its imagined lush N4 ripeness? Cycle around inside the garden centre or what? Shall I employ chromakey leaves? Rotoscope the whole thing? Ah well, best finish off a Johnny Cocktail or two. See our Youtube page for previous examples.

Back in August, we recorded a cover of acapella ditty "Coma" by fellow WM Recordings artiste Bacco Baccanels. This has now been featured on the anniversary WM 100 album, which is a free download (ooo yeah!) from http://www.wmrecordings.com ...oh go on, have a click.

Is there anybody there?

THIS IS AN APPEAL ON BEHALF OF THE KESHCOLOGIST SOCIETY.

"Evolving in the dark". The words of Muldaway McDoon, scientist and scholar, at the Trolley Crash of 1st April, when he interrupted his talk on Darwin to make a point about the continuing fortunes of Keshco to his minimal audience. Sadly, this is still how it feels. Our radio plays on last.fm have steadily decreased ever since they introduced the new revenue streams in the spring (another nail in the coffin, hurrah!), and nobody external to our friend group has expressed any interest in Dak. Yes we are fed up. It's just impossible these days. More and more music is piling up, everywhere, and it seems that even the modest ambition of getting our songs out there (and we're not even talking about "making it", hell no, not in this century) is unattainable. No gig offers, no radio plays, no sales, no nice comments by all the people who downloaded our songs or watched our videos - it's just tedious. (Apologies if I've offended one of the few people who've actually left a comment these last few years, they have really cheered us up.)

It's not all doom and gloom. A few waterbeds in the desert: the delightful Vombat Radio, and... well, actually, that's it right now.

I hate biorhythms.

Dak is deforested

So, the new album is finally out. Isn't it exciting? This bunch of songs has been hanging around for a long old time - some of them go back to 2002! - but we've tried to give them all a flavour of This Year's Keshco. It's been a much more collaborative effort this time, and I hope the richness of the sound reflects that.

Our problems are now manifold. Who should we try to send the CDs to? Should we approach indie music shops? Do we need a barcode? Is it worth getting a whole run professionally pressed up? If so, shouldn't the thing really be mastered by a proper engineer first? But how would we trust them to do the master we want? I well remember the time I helped out on keyboards for an alt-rock band in Leicester. They made a 7-track EP - part recorded at a studio above a Tae-Kwondo hall on the high street (OK apart from the recording guy refusing to undertake any complex overdubs), and part in a local college. Eventually, through gigging and scrimping, they got enough cash to stump up for a mastering job. Unfortunately, the bloke doing the mastering made a few bad choices (e.g. bringing up first take vocals, mixing hard left and hard right) and then they were stuck with it.

Anyway - how the heck is someone else meant to master stuff that's been done on Buzz, at home? Nary a mixing desk in sight. I've done my best with my faulty ears and my faulty stereo. Please don't be like the trench-coated dullards in Leicester city centre who once tried to sell me a faceless-looking synth album with the immortal line: "it's completely clean, there's no hiss". Yes and what about the quality of the songs, huh? No hiss. Shitehawks.

UPDATE: You can still buy Deforestation of Dak through Amazon UK (it's cheaper to buy direct from us, but hey if you're kind enough to click through and buy another product of your choice, we get a few pennies via the affiliate thingy. Hurrah!). Remember, it's on CD, not vinyl. Not vinyl! Please don't go buying what someone's mistakenly listed as a vinyl copy.

H before C (and only one K)

At Christmas, I was made aware of "I Before E (Except After C): Old-School Ways To Remember Stuff", a little hardback book that started something of a trend in retro education guides for adults worried they may be losing the skills they picked up as kids. It got me thinking...

VISITOR: What, is he going to ditch the music and become a teacher at last?

This whole business of band names.

VISITOR: Ooff!

I once played a bit in Leicester with my friend Dominic who goes under the search engine-defying name of w/trem. We were hoping to be billed as "w/trem meets keshco", a potential nightmare for bookers if we'd kept it up. Instead they billed us as "Dom & Andy", a minor if typical cop-out.

But really though. This week's Time Out announces that there will be a gig on Sunday by a band called Kescho. I'm not sure who this band is but they've been following us around. Almost every gig we do, they show up, always when the signwriters forget to put our names up. They must have been to 70% of all the gigs we've ever played. There's that other band too, Keshko. They've been billed in our place more than a dozen times now. If I ever catch those double-K charlatans...

As for Keschko, well that's just a South London attempt to make us Communist.

There is one and only one accepted variant - Eshco, our own tribute band who for reasons best known to themselves have chosen to focus purely on our 1990s output.

Anyway, ladies and gentles, I hope that, should you find yourself engaged in writing the name of our band down in the near future, you'll think of our loosening grips on sanity, and recite the following:

H before C
and only one K

It doesn't rhyme, but it might just work.

Anxiously awaiting your response

Nowadays we're (finally) pretty regular at this whole gigging lark, but back in the early days of 2006, something like this was the only request we were getting. Heh. The scam element appears to be that they send you a cheque/CC payment for the fee, then tell you the gig is cancelled and demand you pay them the money back ASAP - their original payment then bounces (of course) so you're left out of pocket. I rediscovered this upon a bit of spring cleaning, and post as a warning in case anybody else is still receiving the same scam.

- - - - - - - -

Tuesday, 31 January, 2006 2:53 PM
From: "David Irons"

Hello,

I am pleased to let you know that i will be requiring your services and expertise for a My old pa birth day party.Please let me know to what extent you can be invovled in the party affair,the charges for your much needed services,the logistics invloved and your general organisation setup for my consideration.

Please do get back to me in earnest with answers to my inquiries so that we can set it up.

Below is what i would be needing your services for:

1)Live set performance
2)sound sytem
3)3 pieces band

And below are informations you need to know about the party:

1)Date:14th/15th March 2006.Time 12:30 P.M
2)Venue: our residence in London,Lea Brigde Road clapton pound E59 qd.
3)Adult birth celebration/Get together Party.
4)size:not more than 100 people
5)Its an in door party,which floor is 100 capacity.
6)Hours of playing 3 hours
7)No other band performing but you.

I would like to make it clear that the party is going to be a low profile party,we do not intend to exceed £1700 as budget for services you will be rendering,£200 for transport expenses and contigency.Please note that if you needed to be accomodated before the date we have a guest house you can stay so there will be no need for adding accomodation fee.

consequently,we would need you to give us a quote for the things we need you to take care of and your service charge so that we can arrange for payment to reach you asap so that preparation can begin in earnest as it's obvious that time it not on our side.Please be assured of our open-mindedness in our resolution to work with you.Also if there is anything we have not included to make this day a memorable one.please feel free to let us know as we require alot of your expertise and professionalism.On your arrival if you are will be performimg.

Please do get back to me in earnest with my questions and concerns,Because i have little or no time to arrange for the party because am travelling on a business assignment which i would like to make the deposit before living for my trip in other to avoid any setback in the upcoming celebration.

I am anxiously awaiting your response.
Cheers
David

2014 update: I note this post is still quite popular, and so if you're coming here to research dodgy emails, an interesting book on scambaiting is "Dear Annick", by the Bowrunner, which is wildly funny and available from Amazon UK here.

Keshco Wiki entry, 2008

What follows is the text of Keshco's entry on Wikipedia. It lasted about nine months, which I suppose is some sort of minor victory.

Keshco is a name used by a group of English artists and musicians to encompass various creative projects. These have included music CDs, short films, verse and artwork.

Keshco was formed in the mid-1990s in East Anglia, by Andrew Brain, Gareth Monger and Robert Follen. Luke Sample joined in 2006 after playing in offshoot band Bleak House.[1] Early projects included scam-baiting, notably an investigation into the business practices of The International Library of Poetry. In response to newspaper adverts making promises of fame and fortune through poetry, Keshco sent off several dozen pieces of flimsy verse, all of which received the same congratulatory letter suggesting each poem had reached the semi-final stage and would be an ideal candidate for publication - at a price.

Musically, Keshco write in many styles, including folk, electronica, psychedelia and outsider music. They display an interest in found sounds and have employed tape-splicing. Their lyrics have been recommended for their combination of grim honesty and surreal humour.[2][3]

They spent the late 1990s mainly home-recording, apart from two seasons of summer busking around East Anglia in 1998 and 1999. Their first full-length collection of music, "Earlobe Holistics", was an experiment in tape-splicing self-released on cassette with individually hand-drawn artwork. This was followed by a CD, "The Seeds Of Wom", released via mp3.com in late 2000. A third collection, "Saplings Of Sop", was self-released in 2002, followed by "Softened Fingers" in 2006.

In 2006, six Keshco songs were featured on the soundtrack of "20,000 Little Reasons", an hour-long gangster film directed by Andy Wilton and produced by Once Upon A Tyne Productions. This film received showings in the North-East and on Sky channel 244.

Live performances were often backed with projections, and from 2005 the band switched to primarily electronic performance. They began to showcase Robert Follen's interest in costume and mime. Independent reviews in 2007 displayed dismay at the gap between Keshco's creativity and stature within the industry.[4] A review in London's Time Out, published on 30 January 2008 compared Keshco to White Town and Lloyd Cole.

Short films made by Keshco include various episodes of Johnny Cocktail, a series about a "lifestyle guru/private investigator", and stop-motion animations. These have been shown at film nights around the UK.[5]

Outside projects include Gareth Monger's paleo-artwork - he is a commissioned artist for Oxford Natural History Museum amongst others[6]. Robert Follen's project to amass television footage featuring himself has led to appearances on (among others) Trisha, Look East, and Secret History: Boy Soldiers Of WW1.

On 16th February 2008 Keshco recorded a live radio session for London's arts station Resonance FM[7]. They played three tracks: 'Climate Dance', 'Think Alike' and 'I am Broken, I am Alba.' A short interview followed in which Keshco were quizzed on past and forthcoming appearances.

As of August 2008, Keshco's fifth release, "Deforestation of Dak" was close to completion.[8] An 22-minute EP "Trolley Crash" on Dutch label WM Recordings appeared in mid-2008.

Gazza's Super Soccer

NOTE: This is one of several reviews I wrote for a fan book of Speccy games, but lazily didn't get round to sending in. Autumnal inertia. Tonight I see the book's been finished. Ho hum!

GAZZA'S SUPER SOCCER (Empire, 1990)

English football was enjoying a brief resurgence in 1990 – two clubs allowed back into Europe, the semi-final run at the World Cup – and the star of the moment was cheeky, chubby Paul Gascoigne. For a while, he was everywhere. In addition to the rap singles, the board game and the coaching video, it was inevitable Gazza's name would be appropriated for a computer game. Sadly, or perhaps madly, this was the result. This slow, clunky, muddled game appeared in front of my eleven-year-old eyes, and I was horribly transfixed.

There's a limited management section that's simple enough – allowing you to name and endow (oo-er!) your players and choose their formation. You can enter a cup competition or a full league. The proof of the pudding is in the arcade action, though; and it's here the true horror of Gazza's Super Soccer is unleashed.

From the kick-off you notice a motion system that's unresponsive, often erratic and this is coupled with unintelligent selection that means you can wait long periods with no player under control. The rule book is torn up - players can take throw-ins from the middle of the pitch and even score direct from a throw – also, the throw is usually awarded to the side who kicked it out. Hats off for trying a new visual perspective – action in the centre of the pitch is side-on angled a la Match Day, but around the goalmouths changes to a head-on view, usually causing your player to lose the ball inbetween screens. The randomly-loafing players all suffer from the same poor posture and unathletic style that an uncharitable reviewer might ascribe to the game's titular star after a night on the razz (though, in Sweden, this was repackaged as Anders Limpar's Soccer – I don't know what he did to deserve this). Oh, and why does every team you face bear the names you've invented for Player 2 in friendly mode?

Sometimes players get stuck in their throwing sprites and run around with their arms behind their head as if cheering. There are times when the legend “Goal kick” appears, but play continues anyway. It's near-impossible to turn and keep possession, forcing you into the kind of hoof-fest that incumbent English boss Graham Taylor would probably have loved. In a fairer world, it would be his name attached to this unappealing, unskillful game. Yet, despite (or maybe because of) the multiple deficiencies of this bug-ridden travesty, it almost takes on a weird addictiveness as some kind of random-generator football you play in order to see how else it can be broken. Gazza On A Bender's Super Soccer.

Really though, it's this kind of latter game that hastened the demise of the Speccy – lazily coded, presumably rush-released, and with little to recommend it. There was a superior sequel, Gazza II, but that's for another day...

Read more about the astonishingly comprehensive Retro Gamer magazine (can there be a subject they haven't covered by now?), or Paul Gascoigne in his own words here (yes these are Amazon UK affiliate links - by clicking through, you can help sustain this band! Hurrah!)

Ugh - he's SAD

Good afternoon, winter Keshcologists. I trust you're making good use of today's remaining daylight; I'm holed up in a nasty air-conditioned office under striplight.

The colder months are upon us; pish and plops! I used to tolerate winter, when I was younger and warmer-blooded; now I actively dislike it. In fact I'm thinking of writing a stiff letter.

Seasonal Affective Disorder seems to me a sane response to insane conditions. Only four months ago (2 August) we had seven and a half hours' more daylight to frolic in. This time of year is depressing anyway, with the only-slightly-apologetic Christmas push (I don't want more things, I want more headspace to use the things I have). The knowledge of how much time was wasted in the summer gets more painful each year.

My friend Drew Walton came up with a fine piece of magnetic poetry once. It started: "Mooning a cold universe chills my bottom" and ended "tonight we slap the kipper in a saucy dance". I find philosophy, for the most part, depressing and self-defeating. Sad songs do me no good these days, and I suspect many of our audience feel the same. Is it good to wallow? Is it sod. Let's make merry. It's a good time to write to your friends.

Under the bonnet

The world of electronics can often feel like a closed shop to the uninitiated - all those chips and wires and blobs, how on Earth do they all fit together? Well, we Keshcologists have been making some inroads into this, through the rather yummy art of circuit bending. Circuit what, you may ask with a raised eyebrow. The art of circuit bending is basically the art of the creative short circuit. It involves taking the back off of electronic toys and testing out new connections between parts of the circuitboard, with the hope of uncovering features never intended by the manufacturer. It's a good way of learning what all the constituent parts of a circuit are there for (and which ones to avoid if you want to keep your equipment intact). People have done it with synthesizers, toys, Furbies, video game systems, but I have stuck so far with cheap keyboards.

Reed Ghazala is a king of home electronic noise mayhem and his well-detailed book Circuit-Bending: Build Your Own Alien Instruments is available through Amazon UK.

The kit you need for successful circuit bending is simply a few tester leads (the ones with crocodile clips at the ends), some wire, a soldering iron, and a few variable resistors. We'll come back to those.

On Sunday night I took out a bag with a Poundland keyboard inside. Taking the back off revealed that the circuitry was pretty minimal - one board about the length and width of a Fry's Turkish Delight, upon which were a couple of resistors, eight connections for each of the eight keys, two triggers (one for demo, one for normal play), and a little chip hidden underneath a black blob. This has the demo rhythms inside and works the same way as a musical Christmas card, i.e. they weren't demos at all but just something else that makes a tune. For one thing, the demos had three-voice polyphony whilst the actual keys can only be played one at a time.

It was really necessary to operate as a two-man team for this. Attaching one tester lead to the first resistor, we explored all the other connectable points on the circuit, and found two potential bends - one that sent the pitch and speed up by about two octaves, and one that had a kind of crumbly volume control. This is where the variable resistors come in. I had bought a grab bag of 20 from Maplin, which were all different strengths. They act as a controller for your effect, and different strengths of variable resistor will act in varying strengths. (If you want to have the option of turning the effect off completely, you have to solder in an on/off switch before the variable resistor.) After experimenting with a few of these we found a good one that could take the pitch up from merely quite fast to ludicrously quick, quite nicely.

We then tried putting a second variable resistor after the first. This was a bit of a waste of time, although the signal occasionally started wobbling as if through a chorus pedal.

Leaving that connection, we tried attaching a clip to the second resistor. There were a few possibles here. We found three connections that added harsh overtones that increased in intensity as you moved the variable resistor, until it sounded like the speaker was going to pop. Each added subtly different overtones. We then found one that dropped the pitch and speed right down into the depths, to create a great "systems failure" noise.

The soldering began at 12am and didn't finish until 2am. This was partially down to lack of practice (it's been a while) but also to the dynamics of an unfamiliar soldering iron. It took ages to heat up and needed a good clean. Also the titchy circuitboard kept moving around.

Anyway. The next step is to decide how the new connections should be housed - whether to make holes in the existing case, or to transfer the whole thing into a new case, as it would fit into a little box quite easily. I'm certainly tempted to cut off half the superfluous plastic around the edges.

Pics and video to follow...

Keshco is elsewhere

I note, with not a little concern, that this blog is on the first page of Google results for the name Keshco. This despite a new post not having been added in the best part of two years. Well, time to rectify that! Or pull it down.

A lot has happened since last we spoke - well, I typed; you told me I was becoming aware of my surroundings and left your phone number. Not exactly a conversation but it'll have to do.

You know, there's a much more frequently updated blog over at the Keshco page on MySpace. Probably much more worth your while. Bear with me (or rather, go somewhere else) whilst I try to decide what (if anything) this blog is actually for. There is a place for navel-gazing, and it's silver, is page-a-day and came from WHSmith.

Selling England By The Pound

Friends! Thought you might be interested to know that there's a copy of "Softened Fingers", my band's most recent CD, available now on eBay for £1.00 (plus another £1 for P+P). You can view the listing here. Will anyone feel suitably curious?

Holding on with clenched teeth for the start of Spring. All is transitory.

A Sunday Swing in Hackney Wick

If you find yourself in our fair and crisp capital next Sunday, the 20th November, may I suggest that you check out the latest belated Creative Swing. The smell of bagels and a walk of stars will bring you to The Lord Napier, 25 White Post Lane, E9 5EN, wherein you will find all manner of earthly delights - spoken word, dance, knitting, and general arty gubbins. No bagels though. As part of the evening there will be some sort of Keshco performance, presumably involving the singing of certain words and the playing of certain melodies. There may also be a new episode of Johnny Cocktail, for the truly fearless. Best of all, it's entirely free! How could you resist...

UPDATE: Ah, alas, the event didn't happen. Are we surprised? No, we are not. And it would have been a solo performance, which I don't even like doing. But we shall console ourselves, with today's music recommendation - the dense, downbeat Gravity Pulls, by Echobelly (Amazon UK). They're still out there, doing their thing. As am I. As are you. While we can.

Socialism of the Heart

This weekend I find myself attending a get-together called Socialism 2005, in the resolutely grotty surroundings of ULU. The bulk of the event is a forum whereby campaigners and activists of a particular left-leaning persuasion can share experiences and ideas (and, for the lucky, maybe fluids) with the aim of forging a powerful alternative to the pisspoor state of mainstream politics. There would be, you might think, more that unites the diverse factions on the left-wing than divides them. Can greens and reds work together, in a new workers' party capable of seizing the popular imagination? Given the confrontational tone of some speakers today, I fear that, although two into one may go, its only chance is at the cost of much deeply-entrenched ideological pride. And as certain recent political vanity projects sadly remind us, pride can be a stronger political motivator than reason. A united party of the left may provide the public with a coherent name on the ballot sheet as opposed to the rag-bag choice they are currently faced with; but how long before it tears itself apart through infighting? Compromise, as a wiser man once quipped, is a stalling between two fools. Any foolishness in this case, it seems to me, stems to a great extent from this dogged adherence to ideology. But what do I know? I've not even read Marx. Maybe I'm missing out on a perfectly logical and workable grand scheme. I just know that the system ain't going away any time soon, no matter what some may hope. The Socialists and the Greens would obviously fare better under a system of Proportional Representation. But that's clearly not on the agenda either. A pooling of resources could be just the ticket, in my humble late-night opinion. And with the global environmental meltdown in mind, the left had better get it together soon, or their ideology will count for very little.

That's not meant to sound patronising. My contribution to the political struggle thus far has mainly consisted of singing pro-NHS diatribes to the already converted. There's no inscription on my guitar proclaiming "This Machine Kills Fascists". But I like to think I have a little socialism of the heart, at least.

Of course, if you want to hear that phrase set to music, you should probably grab the warm and wise LP William Bloke by Billy Bragg, which is available from Amazon UK here... and you'd be helping sustain this band in the process. Hurrah!

Worldranger Stormbuster Four

Well, the festival season is upon us, and the coming weekend sees the return of Truck festival with its usual roster of bands. Look carefully and you may spot a pair of broad-shouldered taut-bottomed young gentlemen, running around with a digicam and giving away CDs to uncomprehending young ladies. Engage in conversation and receive "Softened Fingers". Or just engage in conservation (of breath) and shake hands instead. It's a fine way to keep trim.

Things hot up next Tuesday, the 26th July, with a little Keshco performance at South London Pacific, which for the uninitiated is a Tiki bar in Kennington. Why not dress for the occasion in a hula girl costume? Now if you'll forgive me, I must search out the old seam sealer. Wouldn't want to get soggy and fungal on a sodden farmstead. Busy yourself with The Julie Dolphin:

Do The Bambi

Only a week until the rescheduled Creative Swing finally makes it to Bethnal Green Working Men's Club. There's a bulging and varied line-up of alternative cabaret acts, and Keshco will be doing a short electronic set towards the end of the night. Best of all, it's completely free! What are you waiting for? Well, May 8th, probably. More details here.

Going through quite a Stereo Total obsession at the moment. Their show at 93 Feet East (supporting the Musique Automatique album - go and grab) was of course a sexy, funny delight, despite my being hemmed in at all angles by the sweating masses (dancing barely an option apart from a bit of head-nodding); but it was an all-too-rare performance in England. Maybe the record company isn't plugging them enough here. Bah. Their new video is a pleasantly surreal experience, though I can't help wondering if their clothes survived the soap suds.

Our own videos progress slowly. More episodes of Johnny Cocktail are at the editing stage, and take a more introspective path - which doesn't just mean no jokes, though you may beg to differ. You can see them, if you like. Let's do a swap. Now I'm going to have some soup, and then will the old bones out of the door and off to Whitechapel to dodge ghosts of Jack the Ripper.

tear down the old

So, one month until voting day, my fellow enfranchised citizens. The Tories' hideous billboard campaign has already started. Some public-spirited soul in Hackney took advantage of a burst of wet weather to pull down the bottom right-hand sheets from the latest one, thus removing the party logo, which is replaced with the Orange ident. You see, Mother Nature is a socialist.

The hardier amongst you may care to journey down to dingy Deptford (birthplace of Squeeze) this weekend, to a two-day event called the Fleamarket II. Keshco will be there, amongst 50 other artists displaying their work; say hello, press the flesh, put it away in a suitable drawer. The art is on show from 12-6 both days; followed by a varied programme of music through the evenings. Keshco will be playing (plus projections) on the Sunday, along with the Swedish Folk Song Project, Nigel Burch & the Fleapit Orchestra, and Mandicant. Do come along, it looks set to be a veritable cornucopia of curiousities and creativists. We'll have CDs, badges, and maybe a DVD to sell or swap. In the meantime, if you have been, then carry on and you'll know where to find the bathroom.

fantastic funnymen

Keshcologists! The new series of "That Mitchell And Webb Sound" begins on Thursday night, beamed out through the skies (and this is the amazing part, quite invisibly) from those boffins at Radio 4. I do more than urge you to listen. I point you towards the nearest radio set and hand you the ear-freshening buds. You don't know how to work these modern machines of metal and microchip? Well come round to mine and have a listen from here. I'll not have anybody going without their weekly quota of Mitchell And Webb, for the next six at least.

From heroes of the future, to hoary old warhorses (of the shed-bound variety). Sunday night. A mediocre Channel 4 programme about pop videos. Aphex Twin secretes himself about halfway down the list, the filthy so-and-so. Suddenly the screen cut to a statement read by his "representative"... Frank Sidebottom. Of all people. How the heart soared, much as if I had inadvertently discovered my old Transformers sticker album (long since gathered to God). Even better, there was no Little Frank in sight. Check out the great man's site. Read his newsletters. Listen to his records. Visit Timperley Aquatics. You'll gush. If you're loose that way. He's trying again, the mojo rediscovered? Has he been waiting for us to catch up, or has he just caught up with his overdraft and suddenly has time on his hands for papier-mache larks? Should I fear he'll be taken up by Hoxton hipsters and leave us behind, the Spec-chums and soggy soldiers who made up his constituency for the best part of the last two decades?

I am spending all my spare hours curled up with felt pens and some homemade animation grids. Intensely satisfying for an otherwise sullen elf... you can see the results very shortly, via the Keshco site. Or maybe I'll keep them to myself. The Mustek DV4000 is very light, but hardly a prestige product. Meanwhile, people with more money make worse things look better on high-end equipment. Hey ho. Let's stick some Pram on, shall we?

Get in the swing

The last few days have been enlivened twofold, firstly by grabbing a few words with delightful kitsch chanteuse Lorraine Bowen at her new fortnightly Vibe Bar residency (trendy area, anathema but that can't be helped); and secondly by the visit of my friend, bandmate and comedy partner Robert, who is a good 48 days older than your correspondent but still young at heart. We spent yesterday working on the voiceovers for an episode of our little film series, Johnny Cocktail, before the evening where we were due to play said film at the latest Creative Swing night, at Rampart (not the Lynx game) in filth-encrusted Hackney. My "Bleached Meadows" animation (burnt onto a RiDisc), albeit of uneven quality due to some parts being improv and my lack of a stable tripod, went down well with a couple of people, and then we put JC's guide to festivals (burnt onto a Datawrite) into the laptop, wherein he got into rather a strop and froze the computer. Filmgoers had to put up with a still of Robert's head mid-sentence filling the screen whilst we tried to extricate the disc. Evidently, Datawrite have some compatibility problems. Or perhaps it was a knackered laptop. Or both.

Girl sat next to Robert: Gosh, is that you on the screen? I didn't recognise you, he's very sexy!

JC in said episode is sporting an accidentally-trendy mohawk in homage to Robert De Niro in "Taxi Driver". He's grown it out now.

The night was very good though. Yes. Honestly. I heartily recommend it for anyone desirous of friendly conversation and free food. If you can travel in time. Best film that we saw was a quickie titled "Delphine, The Baker's Assistant" (if I recall correctly... yes I do); you really should seek it out, yes you should. Yes. Honestly. If you fancy seeing JC (or the animation), just whisper in the old earlet...

Good gracious!

So here I am, at quarter to five in the morning, setting up this thing for the benefit of the viewing several. It's all very nice, isn't it. Just type and...

...well indeed. The inspiration for starting this should be credited to two sources; to lovely Luke, soon to be Stateside, who has had a blog of his own; and also to a Mr James Bachman, whose blog I was perusing earlier this morning in search of information about his burgeoning comedy career. Not in a stalkerish way, just.. perusing (You'll be able to hear his dulcet tones on Radio 4 in "That Mitchell and Webb Sound" some time in February). Reading about his own choice of blog, I was led to something called Movable Type, which seemed fascinating and accessible... until I read the installation instructions. Now, normally I consider myself fairly techno-literate but something in the rather starchy setup document just made me think "Bah! Un-user-friendly!" and shut down mentally. Whereon I headed for the relative ease of Blogger. And easy it is. Cheers. Can't be bothered with the other, even if it has bells on. I have bells in my cupboard.

Homemade carrot cake gives a momentary sugar rush but still the tired legs complain of poor circulation and will me to climb the wooden steps to my own little cabin in Bedfordshire. You may care to recreate the scenario; for this you need a PC with fan set to "annoying" and a CD of the Pet Shop Boys 'Fundamental' playing at low levels (therefore difficult to make out over said fan, rather akin to listening over earphones whilst on a noisy bus).

Why am I here? Could it be because I still haven't made it down to WHSmith to purchase one of their damn fine silver day-to-page diaries? We'll see. Nighty-night...